Suicide Notes of my Former Self (and how I write my own)

By Alexandria Schneider

Note 1
Call me Mrs. Doubtfire
Call me Teddy Roosevelt
Call me John Keating

oh captain my captain

Some call me the world’s greatest dad
Or genie if you know
I’ve been a dad
I’ve been a teacher
I’ve been a lost boy

But the one character
I’ve never played
Is Robin Williams



Note 2
Fuck you all
You never knew
What I’ve suffered through
Through it all
I’ve been appalled
At the sight you’ve come to love


Note 3
Time is of the essence
As I have so little left
And my watches reflect
My mind, my mind and time gone by

The time is being taken
Taken, but I’ll take control

Keep the clocks
As I have lost
Anything I could laugh about


Note 4
You’re only given a little spark of madness
if you lose that, you’re nothing

(and) death is nature’s way of telling you
your table is ready

(so) we use comedy
as a cathartic way to deal with trauma

(and) no matter what anyone tells you
words and ideas could change the world

I’ve quoted it all
knowing it once meant something
An idea that my life is mine for taking


Note 5
Call me Mrs. Doubtfire
As you have all come to know
She makes up
The father you know

You never knew
What I’ve suffered through
The papers never tell
The stories locked behind doors

The time is being taken
Taken, but I’ll take control
My life is mine alone
Please don’t say you know

Death is nature’s way
Of saying your table is ready
Recall the days of laughter
Funny should not be fleeting

I want you all to remember
The man that you knew
Not the death of a man
But the life that grew

I did not want you all to see
What a disease could do to me
Rip me of my well-being
Nothing but a sight of pity

Always find a way to laugh
Always find a reason to smile
Always remember I’m still around
Always remember Robin Williams