Illustration by Kelly Grevers
For what it’s worth, I’d like to tell you something about love as I know it. The trouble is, I’m not quite sure what to say.
I could tell you about unrequited love. That it once gave me pain so deep I thought I’d die. Pain so real and raw I spent my days doubled over, tears rolling down my cheeks. I could tell you that every relationship portrayed on television moved me to tears, that I played “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls on repeat.
I could tell you about first love. That it gave me confidence like I never knew. That it showed me I could be loved. I could tell you about how I learned to really love someone. The ebb and flow of a relationship; the hard times, the amazing times, the days spent in bed just talking. I could tell you about how the love went stale. How I wanted so badly for it to last forever, but it just couldn’t.
I could tell you about heartbreak. Broken promises, faith shattered, and pride bruised. I could tell you about the tear-stained pillows, sleepless nights, and no appetite. Your friends barely able to hear you mention her name again. Everyone wanting you to snap out of your sadness, including you, but there is no light at the end of the tunnel.
I could tell you about the surprise you experience when you find that you can fall in love again. That despite everything you thought you knew for sure, there’s someone out there even better for you, someone who never simply tolerates you, but always loves you unconditionally. Someone who feels like they were made for you, who you stare at from across the room and still get butterflies.
I could tell you that I still know nothing, but that I don’t care one bit. That I’m so deep in it that nothing else matters. Of course I don’t ever know what will happen, but the important thing is that I know what love is right now, and I embrace it.
That’s all I can tell you because that’s all I know.