Graham’s Startin’ a Cult!

I’ve always wanted a community to call my own, and starting a religious order seems to me the best way to do it. They’d never leave me! They’d love me and respect me and we’d have so much fun! But religious order seems inappropriate; I’m the farthest thing from a God. Hell, sometimes when I’m rooting around on the ground, it’s hard to make out that I’m a Man…

Okay, so, my community will be a secular cult. A Cult of Best Practice? We’ll find the best ideas and work towards establishing a better world for all (who join my cult)! Anyone can join; hell, franchise it out! Start your own version, but just remember where you got the idea – ME!

But how will we know who’s part of our community? I always thought it was cool in movies when people exposed their secret tattoo to demonstrate that they, too, were part of the ‘Order’. So, officially, we’re getting tattoos! We’ll start next week!

What will this cult do for you? Well, in the short term, probably nothing more than deliver a sense of belonging and privilege that you can use to justify yourself over others in private. “He He…Well, we’re going to save the world; fuck your couch!” In the long term though, it’ll be great. The Cult of Best Practice will be a community of individuals actively dedicated to creating the best community possible. Different ‘sects’ will go out and try to live in ways that are original and seek to accomplish social goals (i.e. universal education for all, pro-biking, communal property sharing, different education programs for youth). In this way, we’ll seek out the BEST PRACTICES! Man, it’s all falling into place!*

If this were the way things were to go, then I wouldn’t need God-like status! Everyone working towards common goals with an attitude of altruism will deliver unto us a happier and more progressive world. We’ll keep in touch via the internets, discuss what’s been working and what hasn’t, and transfer that knowledge everywhere! We’ll have a website! All in secret! A secret website! It’ll be so much fun! Just remember, before you start sharing, make sure you ask for the tattoo.

* Please Note: As the use of the word ‘man’ might possibly be construed as privileging the male gender by framing it as a standard; our cult can work towards the use of another word, such as ‘person’. See, we’re working towards BEST PRACTICES already…