By Marie Brooks
My body is my temple.
I exercise, eat right, I don’t drink or smoke.
I have French manicured nails and glowing skin,
blemish free, radiant, they call me.
Up until my 21st birthday I never popped anything
more than an Advil.
But the first time I had to pop a serious pill was after
the first time I tried to kill myself.
See when your body and mind disconnect
your body doesn’t show it yet.
I was beautiful on the outside but my inside was
a festering, rancid, putrid mess,
self-loathing, hating, self-deprecating.
All this darkness, and no way to ensnare it.
It’s unbearable when the first thing in the morning you think of is
“I can’t do this anymore,”
But the thing with depression
is that it sinks into the core,
Makes you do crazy things,
as you try to explore
the cusps of insanity and sanity.
It sinks into the core, burrowing into your marrow, pulsing
through your veins until
all that’s left is darkness,
all this darkness.
See, when your body and mind disconnect,
your body begins to reflect
the inside on the outside as your skin
burns down to the ashes
you are, and all that’s left
of this mighty fortress is that darkness.
You may see the light at the end of the tunnel but
the track always loops back and we come full circle.
So take your ashes and breathe the life back into them.
Blow the dust into the wind as your walls return to their power
as a barricade, until all that’s left is the hollow feel of
the memory of pain. Blow a kiss to the reflection of the kingdom that
is your body. You are a temple, I am a temple.