I’m not going to waste time here beating around the bush. Something very important has come to my attention, and it needs to be shared with all of you: there’s no such thing as global warming. It’s all a hoax. That consensus in the scientific community you may have heard about doesn’t exist. David Suzuki is a liar. And, difficult as it may be to accept, those people you’ve been dismissing as “ignorant” or “uninformed” all this time are right.
Ask me how I know.
Senator James Inhofe (R-OK), who is the Chairman of the Environment and Public Works Committee for the Greatest Nation on Earth, told me. Senator Inhofe, who MUST know what he’s talking about on these issues, has let us know that global warming is “the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people.” Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that even though Senator Inhofe is the chairman of a committee dealing with environmental issues, that doesn’t necessarily make him knowledgeable on those issues.
You might point to Inhofe’s past, in which he was the only senator to oppose the Everglades restoration projects, in which he compared the Environmental Protection Agency to the Gestapo. And you’d be right to, I suppose. Even though he’s an important official in the United States of America, it’s possible that he may, on occasion, be wrong about something.
That’s a shocking admission, I know. It’s a good thing he’s got a study backing him.
Ask me which study.
It’s the Oregon Petition. The Oregon Petition was a 1999 petition authored by four scientists to convince the American government to reject the Kyoto Protocol. The Oregon Petition was an eight page document that came to the conclusion that “there is no substantial scientific evidence that human releases of carbon dioxide, methane, or other greenhouse gases is causing or will, in the foreseeable future, cause catastrophic heating of the earth’s atmosphere and disruption of the earth’s climate.” 19,700 individuals signed this petition. Convincing, no?
If you did a little digging, you could learn that only 13% of those signatories were trained in physical or environmental sciences. You could learn that two of the authors of the Oregon Petition were Arthur D. Robinson, whose training is as a biochemist with no background in environmental sciences, and his 22-year old son, Zachary. While we’re on the subject, we could learn that the other two authors both had strong ties to the George C. Marshall Institute, which receives a great deal of financial support from the oil industry. One more thing: it was never submitted to a peer-reviewed journal.
But with the exception of this handful of faults, it’s a totally legitimate study. And really, how can the emergence of a scientific consensus on global warming really stand up to a 1999 non-peer reviewed study authored by two non-environmental scientists and two scientists with close ties to the oil industry?
Ask me how this is all relevant to our political situation in this country. Go ahead.
The Clean Air Act, introduced by the Conservatives this October, is totally unnecessary. Now, I understand that the Act actually does very little, and that setting 2050 as the target date for emissions reductions is basically the equivalent of recognizing that there’s no imminent threat from global warming. So what’s with the charade? Why set up an environmental policy with no teeth? Wouldn’t it be better to just disregard the issue of global warming entirely?
Although I suppose there’s something to be said for lip service, and it’s possible that the Clean Air Act will fool some of those environmentalists into thinking the government is concerned with the issue. But is does seem kind of like taking things too far. Couldn’t the Conservatives just talk about being concerned with the issue while passing no legislation like the Liberal government did before them?
We don’t need to worry about anything! The whole “global warming” issue is nonsense. We don’t need Kyoto. We don’t need the Clean Air Act. We don’t need the One Tonne Challenge. All we need is to look at this study, and the reassurances of the men in charge of environmental policy, and our minds are put at ease. In the eloquent words of my co-workers: “global warming is just bullshit.” Are you relieved?
I know I am. If I’m lyin’, I’m cryin’.