Conquer Love
Photograph by Hayley Lewis
I have dreamt of you in passing moments. I have relished you in memories now faded, maybe never true. And always you have left me; hand slips from my grip and your back slowly moves from my vision into the darkness of never again. And always I am crying; tears drip off my face, fall uselessly to the ground and gather around my naked feet. I am no child, I am no woman, I am no one…
I have heard the sobs, echoing in my thoughts like a torturous wind that bears my knowing what I’ve done to you. A simple rhythm that threatens to rip me apart inch by inch. I hum it now, slowly, like the movement we once made together; before I decided that old photos needed to be burned, old memories shattered, your dreams shredded. I am no child, I am no man, I am no one…
Years etch themselves on unwanted skin, unwanted life, unwanted heartache. Still I sob it seems, sleepless in my nightmares. Your face is a dim light in the darkness surrounding me, and yet it haunts me all the more. It whispers, soft things I think I want to hear again; things that once meant the world to me and now just show me how naive I really was. I am no longer innocent; I am jaded, old…
A moan, deafening. My dreams heat me; I fight them back, not wanting to be burned. Time has clasped itself to my flesh, to that same surface where your fingers traced a never ending yearning. I hate it, myself, everything that you seemed to have turned upside down; some nothing girl that I thought would be so wonderful to conquer. My heart is crumbling. I am no longer jaded; I am suffering, old…
The smell of him swiftly passes; my eyes shift and dare to challenge his. He is watching; I flirt more forcefully with some little boy who has found me interesting. The boy touches; I let him as those watching eyes turn to fire. I laugh, at him, at myself, at my poor, shriveled heart. Boys hand pulls me to door, I accept; tears threatening as I see his soft eyes begging from his corner. I am foolish, stupid, in love…
She is killing me with her nonchalance. I am nothing now. She has become the conqueror, I am merely the conquest. Heart breaks as she mingles her affections with another. Eyes blaze to life as he touches that skin that once only belonged to my sure hand. She laughs, I churn inside, I burn inside; I die inside. Little, feckless nothing takes her hand and she follows. Eyes turn back and I beg. I am foolish, stupid, in love…
The hall stopped. The movement ceased. The moment spread out its arms to the masses and asked for its pause and its silence as a force was about to push itself against them all. A woman rushes into the crowd; a man rushes into the crowd. They meet half way and the thunder of silence rolls. They stare, eyes locked in some searching battle. She reaches out, draws her hand back an inch and he grabs it and pulls her full into him. There is a hushed shock. He is kissing her, she is kissing him, the moment sweeps the hall and forces everyone in it to fall a step away from them. Love…love…love.
They pull back, the hall gone, disappeared when they found each other again. He smiles at her, heart full, so full, like he has never known before. She smiles at him, heart mended, love forgiving the pain he caused her. Lips meet again, the kind of kiss in which forever is written in every breath between the gaps, in every touch of tongues, in every moment their bodies inch closer together. The silence is booming; the arms of the hall stretch again, making room for the lovers. He sighs into her, his breath mingling with hers and she feels filled. Love…love…love.