How to mimic the lifestyle of your upper/middle class, white, suburban parents in 15 easy steps

Photograph by Breanne MacDonald

I was recently re-acquainted with a particular means of pursuing Joy in life, and the following is the product of that.

1. Attend a post-secondary institution. Begin to accumulate debt. Ideally your program has either the word “business” or “commerce” in it.
2. Meet a nice guy or girl while there.
3. Graduate from said institution. Spend at least 5 minutes contemplating the difference between an education and actually learning.
4. Go to Europe! Explore the world and take it all in!
5. Accept entry-level full-time position at big company.
6. Buy a car to get to and from your new job. This one can be tough, as you need to balance the needs of your hectic lifestyle with your desire to be fuel efficient. Be sure to consider a “crossover” or a hybrid SUV – this way you can save money and the environment.
7. Work a little harder at work to pay for the new car.
8. Begin to finally pay off that student debt.
9. Marry that nice girl from university. Invite family and friends to the lavish ceremony.
10. Buy a house, because as everyone knows, property is the best investment. Preference given to a brand new home: no one else has ever lived in it before, and it’s custom built for your very unique needs. Also, be sure to plan ahead: a few extra rooms will likely come in handy very soon. (Wink)
11. Work just a bit more. You have that new mortgage now, so job security is crucial.
12. Have a baby.
13. Demand a raise from your employer – you’ve been working overtime and you need to support a bigger family now!
14. Consider buying a second car.
15. Invite your parents over to enjoy the newest member of the family.
16. Repeat steps 11-15 as you see fit.