Confessions of a Professional Clitarist

Interesting Point, Dan Lynn

What a loaded topic sex is. So many branches to cut down and strip of their bark. Sex before marriage, abortion, promiscuity, sex toys, and even queer sex – of which I might call myself an expert… just ask my girlfriend.

But no! That bores me. What doesn’t? Masturbation. I am very pro-masturbation. Lord knows, I do it. I love it! Heck, I used to do it once daily. I’ve been doing it for a good 10 years, at least. The question is: why does this matter to you? I can hear you all saying, “I don’t want to know about this nasty girl’s relationship with her clitoris!”

Of course you don’t. Nor do I want to hear about yours. But I digress. Masturbation. What is it either than moments of self-induced sexual pleasure? Well I’ve got two reasons as to why you might want to invest more time and energy into the fine art of (“beating the beaver” “jillin’ off” “playing the clitar” “vacuuming the carpet”) or any other such euphemism for female masturbation. And note: I say female not to exclude those with penises, but in order to speak fiercely from the “I” since I myself have a vagina.

Reason Number One: Stress Relief. I rarely – and I do mean rarely – get stressed. Maybe I’m even an anomaly in that respect. We all have our stressors though – school, job(s), extracurriculars – you name it. We all find our ways of relieving the stress, but I promise you that masturbation is number one. I can imagine you’re sceptical, but you will thank me later. A healthy diet of a bare minimum of 2 climaxes a week will do you good.

Reason Number Two: Heightened Bodily Knowledge. This one you will definitely appreciate. This is directed to you people with vaginas who have been in a situation where someone has been trying to pleasure you and you never reached orgasm. Did these questions ever cross your mind? “Is there something wrong with me?” “Is my partner incompetent?” “Is this abnormal?” The resounding answer to all of those questions is of course, NO! It is very common not to have an orgasm during sex in any/all of its forms. But I dare say, it’s too common.

Ay, there lies the rub. Masturbation, many would agree, helps greatly in this predicament. Knowing what you like and what feels good as well as having the confidence to voice it can really aid you and your partner in helping you reach your climax. So there it is. That wasn’t so bad, was it?

November 30, 2007 Blueprint Web Administrator No Comments

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